Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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