My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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