did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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