woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
