im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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