i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
