We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Holy sore nipples Batman
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize