FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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