Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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