Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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