We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
