The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
