just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
