Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
