as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
