Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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