my phone needs a breathalizer
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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