If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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