This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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