he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
