Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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