I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I showed him my bush... on skype.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we're making bets on your personal life
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You made out with two different species that night
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Randomize