I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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