the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
