Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
