Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize