high people should be assigned attendants
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
