Can Purell be used as lube?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
