Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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