The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
as a side note pls kill me
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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