what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
