Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
