I could make wine with my vomit
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
