Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
try to milk me bitch
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