Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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