I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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