He disabled his match.com account in front of me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
