You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
