roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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