My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
