If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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