I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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