i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
