Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
