Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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