I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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