found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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