I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
