there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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