Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize