69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
