My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
