well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
