Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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