She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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