just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
