Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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